Witty quotes : Today’s updated collection is about witty quotes you will surely like to keep as your whatsapp status facebook status. You will also get witty quotes about life in this awesome collection. So have a look on it.
Witty quotes about life :
Man is the only living being who cuts trees, makes paper, and writes “SAVE TREES” on it.
Our Bible reveals to us the character of our God with minute and remorseless exactness … It is perhaps the most damnatory biography that exists in print anywhere. It makes Nero an angel of light and leading by contrast. [Mark Twain]
Falling in love is not at all the most stupid thing that people do — but gravitation can not be held responsible for it. [Albert Einstein]
Prediction is very difficult, especially about the future. [Niels Bohr]
Essentially, all models are wrong, but some are useful. [George E. P. Box]
The best material model of a cat is another, or preferably the same, cat. [Norbert Wiener]
As a child, I received instruction both in the Bible and in the Talmud. I am a Jew, but I am enthralled by the luminous figure of the Nazarene. [Albert Einstein]
I support your right to free speech.
Respect my right not to be forced to listen to it.
One morning I shot an elephant in my pajamas. How he got into my pajamas I’ll never know. » [Groucho Marx]
For Sale: Parachute. Only used once, never opened, small stain.
I live in my own world but it’s okay. They know me there.
Dear optimist, pessimist, and realist, while you guys were arguing about the glass of water, I drank it. Sincerely, the opportunist.
Lie will make it around the world before the truth has time to put on it’s shoes.
Whoever uses the phrase “Easy as taking candy from a baby,” has obviously never tried taking candy from a baby.
Give a man a match, and he’ll be warm for a minute, but set him on fire, and he’ll be warm for the rest of his life.
Short witty quotes :
The real trouble with reality is that there’s no background music.
Everyone is entitled to be stupid, but some abuse the privilege.
War doesn’t determine who’s right. War determines who’s left.
It’s your god. They’re your rules. *You* go to hell.
Going to church doesn’t make you a Christian any more than standing in a garage makes you a car.
House Guarded By Shotgun 3 Days A Week. Guess Which Days.
A MIT linguistic professor was lecturing his class. “In English,” he said, “a double negative forms a positive. However, in some languages, such as Russian, a double negative remains a negative. But there isn’t a single language, not one, in which a double positive can express a negative.”
A voice from the back of the room piped up, “Yeah, right.”
Time flies like an arrow;
fruit flies like a banana.
Doesn’t expecting the unexpected make the unexpected expected? Submitted by
Whoever said that nothing was impossible obviously never tried slamming a revolving door.
THE COURT: Now, as we begin, I must ask you to banish all present information and prejudice from your minds, if you have any.
Attorney: Doctor, what treatment did you give this man?
Doctor: I cleansed the wound, sutured it, and put him to bed with a nurse.
Evening news is where they begin with ‘Good evening’, and then proceed to tell you why it isn’t.
The governor of the Bank of England began an address to an assembly of bankers with these words:
“There are three kinds of economists, those who can count and those who can’t.”
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